Odd title, I know, but today’s post is going to be a little different. I haven’t done a thought post in a long time and as the past few weeks have progressed it is high time. I’ve been thinking about the word “can’t,” such a small word but with such large consequences. It is one I don’t often visit with my crafting and creative endeavors, a word I strive not to use. However, in recent weeks I have started using it, and it struck me at how it can truly be a self fulfilling prophesy.
The thing is, I’ve tried to go after life with the idea that if I don’t know something I can try to learn it. When it came to crafting I would just dive in head first and find out if I liked a type of project or not, and I rarely failed. It perhaps wasn’t the best thing ever but it also wasn’t the worst. With work I just did things and if I didn’t know how something works I asked questions, I found help to learn so I could be self sufficient. Being able to handle things on my own has always been a point of pride for me.
Then the word “can’t” came along. I’ll be honest, it all started during getting back into my fitness routine except I decided to take things more seriously. For the past year I’ve been relatively inactive. It started when my Mom passed away and then just spiraled into nothing at all. I felt terrible and honestly missed being somewhat active. I hadn’t been doing much but it had been something. I would ride an exercise bike, stretch, and walk my puppy around the neighborhood. All but taking the puppy for walks ended and even now that is less as she lives with my Dad (and is spoiled beyond belief. I miss her but it’s perfect). Being a plus-sized woman I have prided myself in always being able to keep pace with others and do just about everything my smaller and more fit friends do. Well, December rolled around and I felt winded at the top of the stairs at work. That was it! This simply could not continue, so I took actions to start working more activity and exercise into my routine.
This time around the bike wasn’t an option so I started searching for things I could do in our small apartment that would still be meaningful and would help me feel stronger and more like myself. I found YouTube videos on a whim and would attempt to do what the more fit and very experienced trainers were doing. I would pick things that were clearly not at my ability level yet and that nasty word started to slip out…”can’t”. Finally two weeks ago it ended in me sitting on the bed crying because I just wasn’t going to get this. I felt I had finally met my match and feeling better would never come. My husband immediately stepped in and helped me realize that perhaps I wasn’t able to do those things now but with time I maybe could. He comforted me and got me to try again, even that day. Together we found a routine I could master and feel confident with and honestly I have been excited for that part of my day now. That has never happened before.
Now, I won’t share any “transformation” posts on here because I’m putting this out here now, there probably won’t be one. I’ve learned that my body type tends to be towards the chunky side, or fluffy as my husband calls it. However, I won’t settle for being a bit chunky and feeling miserable. I won’t settle for falling for “can’t.”
“Can’t” is a word that creeps in and slowly makes you believe things won’t get better. I refuse to let that be true. With time I’ll have a routine and being relatively healthy will come back into the equation. As I build that routine I will be sure to keep “can’t” out of that equation. With that, I leave you. If you have read this far you are amazing!