Hold Onto What Matters…

When Its Unclear: Wooly Mastadon

In the past few weeks it has been a roller-coaster. I don’t like putting life updates here, this place is for the purpose of sharing projects, creativity, inspiration. Yet sometimes life just has to come to the forefront, needs to be seen. No matter how much you try to hide what is happening it shines through. It shines through here and elsewhere in my silence. Now, there have been some really good moments but there have been a lot of really hard moments too. It was to the point that all I wanted to do was run and hide from everything. Thankfully I have a really amazing person in my life who helped me get out of that but sometimes things hit you hard. One thing that I have shared on and off here was my Mom’s battle and defeat of cancer. Two months ago my family learned that that cancer had returned, and with a vengeance. She’s getting treatment and doctors seem pretty positive but it hit everyone hard, when something terrible was over…at least you thought it was, only to come back.

This was just one example of the downs that have hit these past few months. I lost track of what mattered and let things get to me. I let work drama creep into my time away from work and eat away at what was left of me. I gave up on knitting and reading, and really creating for a while. The only thing I really had to show for a span of time were some nature photographs from mini day trips to go escape for a while. I think somewhere in the mess that was my brain it knew the only way to get me out of my funk was to get me out of the house.

So I got out of the house. Some of my best friends came up to visit. I went on day trips, I took photos, and I worked. For whatever reason, possibly because some of the troubles are slowly being resolved, things are getting better. I have someone in my life who is constantly reminding me not to lose sight of my goals, and that it is always worth working toward the things that you find important.

What's Out There: Wooly Mastadon

And so in the past week I have made an effort to get back into the small things I love to do, the creative things that keep me going. I started designing some knitwear and brainstormed some big ideas. These big ideas reminded me that I still someday want to be a graphic designer at a knitwear magazine, or something like that. I want to move on and do the things I love for a living. And I have to work toward that, not give up, if I want to accomplish it.

Life isn’t always happy, it isn’t the perfectly edited photo posted to Instagram or the short witty post to Facebook. It isn’t the properly edited blog post filtered to make your life look perfect. Life has ups and downs, and sometimes the downs feel impossible to handle. It is possible, it will get better. You just have to hold onto what matters.

Hold onto what matters…it keeps you going when nothing else will.

I’ll be back, with projects, hopefully very soon. Thanks for listening.

~Stay Inspired

 

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Knitting Socks, and Thoughts

Socks: Wooly Mastadon

Well, it has been pretty slow around here…well, at least on the blog. It has been anything but slow in life. Last week, I found myself knitting in a hospital waiting room, wondering. Wondering if my family member would be okay, wondering what would happen, wondering how life was going to change, wondering, worrying, hoping. I sat there with family and friends watching the patient status board, hoping to see the status switch to recovery so that we could visit my family member soon after. I sat there at a loss, because there was nothing I could do…but knit. I brought along socks to knit, the ones that I had mentioned earlier but then ended up languishing in hibernation because of holiday gift knitting. I brought them out for this, and knit and knit and knit. I knit in the hospital waiting room and got about 1.5 socks done. Then there was relief; my family member was okay, although recovery would be slow. I could go to the room and visit. It nearly broke my heart to see my strong loved one so weak with the drugs and surgery still fresh. So I knit and knit and knit. I had nearly both socks completed minus the heals. It was therapeutic and helped me to keep my mind on positive thoughts and prayers.

During my stay in the town miles away from home, I found a yarn shop. I ended up stopping in on one of the several days of my stay since my family member’s recovery would take several days, perhaps even a week. When in the shop I purchased sock yarn, with the hopes to start yet another pair of socks soon after. The owner of the yarn shop started chatting with me and was impressed that I knit socks. It them came up why I was staying in town and she started discussing prayer shawls. She had worked at the very hospital my family member was staying at for 35 years and during that time knit or crocheted prayer shawls for some of the patients. On a stand by the door of the yarn shop, she had one of her hand crocheted afghans, one of her prayer shawls. She looked at it and gave it to me. She wouldn’t take money for it or anything. She told me to bring it to my family member, that it was a prayer shawl and that many people were praying for her. It was beautiful and heartwarming, it brought tears to my eyes. It brought my faith back in people, and reminded me of the generosity of crafters and creators. It was a wonderful reminder.

Shortly after I had to return home. I had work to return to and a pooch to take care of. It is lonely without my family around, and it was even harder knowing I would had to leave my family member at that hospital, that I couldn’t take them with me and bring them back to the comforts of home. I know they are in the safe place right now, that there is an arsenal of wonderful and friendly nurses watching them, and that the doctors and another family member are close by. But it doesn’t take away the pain, the nagging feeling that I should be there. So I knit, and knit, and knit.

And I hoped and prayed, that my family member will be able to come home safe soon, and that the path to recovery will be  as complete and swift as possible. All that hoping and praying will pay off in a day, when my family member will return, to gain strength and fight the illness that tried to take them: cancer. There is hope and I will hold onto it tight, and knit.

Such is life and absence here. Perhaps it will continue for a bit, where I only pop in once a week or so, perhaps it won’t, but you better believe that my creating will not stop and that it will help to keep me sane as a side project. My graphic design, photography, crafting, and finally blogging mojo is back…basically I want to create again.

The Lord is guiding all things, and he will bring my family through this.

~Stay Inspired